he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.