i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?