things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.