just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina