do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.