i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.