I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles