Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
