Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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