You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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