Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
