Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
