He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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