you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
