Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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