Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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