Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
