One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
