My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
