There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
