I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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