I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
