Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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