I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
