Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
