I just saw a hot homeless man
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
