i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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