just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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