guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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