she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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