Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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