Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
