i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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