i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
