We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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