I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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