Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
