??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
