wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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