I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
