I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
