I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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