i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
