Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
