I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
