you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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