**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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