he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
