I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
