He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
