I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
