New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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