just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
