Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
