wrigley field is MILF paradise
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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