All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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