just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
