I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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