i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
