i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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