Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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