I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's never too late to be topless.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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