An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
