Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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