Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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