girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
