Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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