Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
