Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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