Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
