How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
