I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
