This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
