I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
