Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
