can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
