im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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