I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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