Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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